She sleeps...

Well, Charlize is asleep so I thought I might blog a bit. :)  I think my last blog was Halloween so I'm behind...again.  You catch tid bits on facebook so you probably know where we have been playing and have seen pics so I haven't totally spaced.  The biggest news...WE ARE FINALLY MOVING HOME!  I have lived in Lincoln most of my adult life and have really loved it but I think it's time to go home.  I can't count how many times I had debated moving to Nashville and Andy and I (after we got married) debated Nashville and Austin.  I am turning the big 3 0 in a couple weeks and have absolutely no geographical regrets.  No regrets!  That's what everyone would chant at me when trying to convince me that moving was my only option if I wanted to succeed.  Nashvilles' the place to be, Sheila...No regrets!  Just do it!  Something always held me back.  It wasn't fear.  I love to travel and feel comfortable when I do.  But I knew my sisters would have babies. Do I want to miss out on that?  I had younger cousins that I love dearly. I am close to my parents and sisters.  Is it worth leaving them to wear the Nashville badge?  I have a music career that I have busted my butt for.  What does geography have to do w/that?  When I'm in Nashville it is rare to meet people in working bands.  And the people who are come to NE to play!  I am sitting here completely drawing a blank over what I am "missing out on."  Twelve hours travel to gigs? Money?  I mean, the dream is to sing, right? Or is it to perform? I have both of these.  To play w/a live band? Check.  It is amazing to me that anyone would say leaving all of this to go wait tables full time and maybe, maybe get the opportunity to sing at an open mic night, perform on stage w/a group gracious enough to let me get up and sing a song or two, work w/great musicians (all of these I do) and on the off chance, "make it."  What does make it mean?  All I can really think of right now is money and fame.  What drives us?  Fame or the love of music?  I have always had a love of music.  More than a love I guess.  It is just part of me.  When I'm not doing it I feel like something is missing.  It's who I am.  Would I like a boat load of money? A tour bus? Somebody to handle all of the b.s. involved w/running the business end?  Of coarse.  But not in exchange for my family.  Not even close.  I still have dreams of "making it big" someday and I still chase them.  I still plan on going to Nashville to work but not to live.  Not unless I could afford a second home. (or convince all of my family to go too:)  Who can possibly place the value of "making it" over the value of family?  I don't understand it...but that's b/c that's not me.  I know several musicians would look at this and be completely baffled by what I am saying, but that's them. I guess it all boils down to who we are.  It's also who we choose to surround ourselves with.  I made a decision a long time ago that being a good musician wasn't enough.  I choose to surround myself w/people I am happy to have my daughter grow up around.  People who have my best interest in mind as well.  People who care about each other. People who do not think my job is to keep them happy at all cost.  People who make themselves happy.  After making this choice, I have been happy.  That' doesn't mean every day/gig is perfect and that we all get along 100 % of the time.  That would almost be boring. ;) Whenever there is a change up it is almost impossible to find someone that matches the description.  And when you find someone halfway there it is incredibly hard not to give into temptation to just compromise a little and let is slide.  But not doing that has bought us to date.  It wasn't the most enjoyable ride all the time but for the most part, life is good.